Great prophecies, yet to be made !

How to Make a Proper Profit Prophecy for the Wannabe Prophet

By: ANON

The following link is important ground breaking information for all Church of God prophesiers out there who need to fine tune their prophesying skills.

As we reach the end of the Christmas season the Painful Truth is in the mood to play Santa Claus once more!

Rebel without a Claus

This coming year, the Painful Truth is offering a certification program for all those who wish to become a professional prophesier, and start their own family based church franchise. Don't be a wannabee prophet like Robert Thiel, the most arrogant false prophet within the ACOG movement, sign up today and learn the dark secrets on how to become a stunning success using prophecy in ways you never dreamed possible !

(The insanity prize was awarded to David C. Pack, earlier this year for being the biggest nut case there is)

Madcap Bob

Ah shucks, let's give Bob a break and some credit as he is trying real hard to break into the religion business and make a success of himself with his improperly named, continuing church of god. Why is it so hard to follow Bob's prophecies?

Well, it's confusing at times because he does not speak clearly. Bob uses a lot of "if's" or "or's" and even at times uses "maybe". He really does not know how to expound and pronounce a properly structured prophecy. It is hard to take someone like that seriously.

So what are we to do?

The Painful Truth to the rescue!

The following article below first appeared in our December issue of
Prophecy Magazine, A field manual for the proper prophet.

"Prophecy for Dummies" © Free seminar for "Church of God" ™ franchise owners.
Copyright © by the Painful Truth, 2019

Educational seminars for the prophet who always seem to fail

Tired of making prophecies that always seem to fail at the wrong time?

Have you ever asked yourself why some prophets are more successful than others?

Have you ever had to backtrack some prophecy you made in order to save face?

Is there someone who certifies prophets?

Well fail no more!
>>>>>>>We can help!

The Painful Truth, in cooperation with Church of God Industries™ will be holding seminars near you! Our course on how to build a proper prophecy will allow you to:

Exert your new found power over others !
Fill all your egotistical needs !
Make yourself FILTHY rich !
Become a fully certified prophet !

Required books for the course are:

I highly recommend you start the course by reading book #3. You will quickly learn the ABC's of delivering effective, and precise, prophecies. This is extremely important if you are going to be taken seriously. You will want to read this book again and again over the coming months to ensure you remain firmly grounded as you pursue your gift of prophecy.

Some of the thing's you will learn to do >>>

Convey prophecy with pinpoint accuracy.
Take a dream and convincingly relay it to your audience as a prophecy rather than a story narrative.
Making a name for yourself as you manipulate others for your own personal advantage.

EDUCATIONAL FACTS

Individuals claiming false prophetic gifts have severely damaged people's lives. Don't be one of them!

There are many ‘prophets’ who give words of wisdom, prophecies, or words of knowledge, all have been shown in time to be erroneous. Only a humble man chosen by God hears the words of the Lord.

Delivering the prophecy

As you should have learned from Spokesman club, delivery is everything. More important than content. To ensure that you the prophet are not misunderstood, it is crucial that you learn how to pronounce a prophecy clearly and with force.

Using the bible as our guide, we learn the art of constructing a proper prophecy.

ALWAYS start a prophecy with the term "Thus saith the Lord". This is very important, as it conveys that the prophecy about to be uttered has come from the mouth of God, and not from the mouth of a mere mortal man.

Free magazine offer!

IMPORTANT! It is advisable beforehand, in order to guard against mockers and scoffers, to document the prophecy using video. No one want's a little one to fall away because you were misunderstood or unclear in the Lords pronouncement. Their blood would be on your head!

WORD'S OF WISDOM

Cults use a modern interpretation of past events which are never unbiased. Inevitably, these people interpreted the past within a modern context in order to manipulate their followers.

FACT ALERT !

Do you know what Philadelphian really means?

The churches of god talk about themselves being peculiar people living in the Philadelphia era. Just what does Philadelphia mean? Is it brotherly love or something else?

The various Philadelphias in the ancient world were founded by and named for Ptolemy II, a Pharaoh of Macedonian heritage, who ruled Egypt in the early Third Century BC. His second name was Philadelphus because he married his sister Arsinoe II (she also had Philadelphus as her second name).
Phil means filial love (i.e., love between siblings).

Translated, this means that the armstrong churches of god are just like their founder. Incestuous! Bet you didn’t see that coming!

CONTINUING:

Let us say that God tells the prophet to warn San Francisco that it is going to be destroyed due to the acceptance of homosexuality. Your pronouncement would go something like this: "Thus saith the Lord, a great earthquake will strike San Francisco on August 13th, 2020 if the homosexuals don't repent of their grievous sin."

So in the sentence above, we have conveyed to the audience that:
(1) The Lord has proclaimed something to YOU, His prophet.
(2) A location and type of disaster that will take place.
(3) A timeline.
(4) A description of the offending sin.

So why do we suggest the use of a timeline? Without one, you will never, ever be able to convince the audience that this prophecy is from God. A proper timeline will put the skeptics underfoot when the prophecy comes to pass. Now it is true that in the OT God never gave a precise timeline. Because of this, the prophets of old were not very convincing and the reputation of God was badly tarnished due to the lack of a properly issued timeline. At times it took generations for prophecies to come to pass. The people of that generation the prophecy was made to died without seeing the fulfillment which rendered it null and void. Never make a prophecy if it's not made for the generation that you are addressing.

Warning! Don't make the same mistake that HWA, Weinland or Meredith did! These three never learned from their mistakes. They were incredibly stupid. Nearly every prophecy they spewed out had the words "5, 10 or 15 years" attached to it. It was precisely this type of "forecasting" which forced Herbie to abandon Oregon after his tithe slaves left him, moving his troupe to Pasadena, California for a fresh start.

I can't emphasize enough that it is extremely important for you to make the presentation crystal clear to your audience. You must forcefully emphasize the point that 'God is really pissed off this time and He absolutely means business!!!'

What to do or not to do

Always be clear and concise, using the tone and pitch of your voice to expound the point your trying to get across. Wave your hands, make a angry face, look depressed, even drool a bit if you think it will help, but always be clear with your words. For all intents and purposes, you want to paint a gruesome picture within the mind of your viewer. Something that will fill them with anxiety and horror that they shall always remember.

Now a little criticism for the prophet Bob Thiel. We have some important advice for you. NEVER EVER shove a book into peoples faces! Save the book offer for the end of your presentation. You should know by now that the concept of giving booklets away for free is to have in place a constant reminder of your organization within the homes of your ~~victims~~ viewers.

Why not have fun with prophecy?

When you make a prophecy in front of your audience, do they seem excited or bored?
Do they seemed to have they grown indifferent?
Have you ever considered making prophecy and having fun with it?
No?
Why not?

Get certified today!

You don't need to be an old fuddy-duddy Victorian-age prude as Gods official mouthpiece. The good news is, we can help your church franchise to change from the sleazy, time worn techniques of Herbert W. Armstrong, to a aggressive powerhouse, reaching out to millions of potential victims blue ribbon tithe payers!

What can our Prophecy Certification Program ™ do for you?

You will learn how to:

Become a powerful, dynamic and motivational prophet !
Identify people in your group who have the aptitude to influence others !
How to reach out to experts and have them support your premises !
Organize your membership into an influential army of advocates !
Expand your targeted social media audience using other peoples money !
Create exciting new content territories by re-purposing your old material !
Test content on a unsuspecting audiences without those negative reviews !

What else will you learn with our certification course?

'How to make high quality Videos'

Example of what not to do. Can you point out the distractions in this picture?	We can’t stress enough the importance of having a high quality editing software in order to make green screen videos. With green screen technology you can avoid the embarrassment of crooked bookcases, outdated curtains, ugly wallpaper, or even a institutional look that can distract if not disgust those you are trying to reach out towards.
The stunning background of Hotel Cortez	Instead of ugly curtains or cheap bookcases, you can make it appear that your setting is one of wealth and prestige. You want to make a striking visual impact with your viewers. The example to the left shows a rich, luxurious background in a setting that pulls in the viewer.

Learn to make stunning video presentations!

When you make your video presentation, the use of history as a template is a great place to start. Using fact-based and/or fictional films of historical events can also be a rewarding experience. The material you use should be generally safe for kids and should bring to life the sometimes boring but very important highlights you wish to expound. This is why we recommend using old films like Laurel and Hardy. The video below can be employed to teach children and adults the dangers of homosexuality. What better way is there to teach your young ones than a wholesome and quirky film that the whole family can enjoy together?

Now go out and knock'em dead boys!

[caption id="attachment_14938" align="alignright" width="170"]

......Blushing Ron

*What are our subscribers saying?

Thank you Mr. Painful Truth. My churches income is up over 30% this year. There ain't no better course on the Internet!
Klepto Dollar

__________________

Two years ago we where operating out of a shopping center store front. This year we purchased 10 acres of land in which we built a brand new 25,000 square foot church! Thank you for offering this wonderful course!
Signed,
Anonymous

__________________

Of course we thought this was a scam but the price was right (FREE!) So we took a chance and guess what? We had over 50 people join our group in 2 months time. We will definitely recommend this course to friends starting up their own church franchise.
C. M.

__________________

You really should charge for this course. So much great work you folks put into it!
M W.

__________________

My church group thought they should at least try your course. What we found is that we had no success because our pastor didn't follow your methodology. So what did the church board do? They went back to using the methodology that worked for Mr. Armstrong. Needless to say, we soon found that our membership was decreasing 13% a year. This is a big problem because most of our membership is made up of elderly retired people who are unable to give a tithe anymore. We have decided to accept your personal counsel on this matter. Thank you,
J L.

__________________

Dear Painful Truth, The Prophecy Magazine is a welcome blessing for my families financial health.
Thanks,
M.A.

__________________

*Disclaimer: Result's are not typical

Home
Blog
About
Contact
SiteMap