Can any good thing come out of Dunedin?

Dunedin. Just a tad north of the South Pole. Hills. The world's steepest street. Grey, Calvinist weather (yup, that's two locals in the pic taking a stroll on the beach!), Rugby's "House of Pain."

Once in the long ago I lived in Invercargill, even closer to the icebergs. Forget the Aussie pretenders - we're talking the real Down Under. It was a brief tenure, but I have fond memories of life as a "mainlander." Fond but chilly. Well, mainly chilly. These days I've a continuing association with the South Island through Otago University (New Zealand's oldest and coldest seat of higher learning) where this Aucklander is chipping away (from a safe temperate-zone distance) at a degree in theology. I'd chance a reference to ice-picks, but not all Scots-descended Dunedinites are famous for their sense of humor (which explains a great deal about Presbyterians in general.)

Frankly, I woudn't have imagined a COG-related Kiwi blog coming from such sub-arctic climes, unless Max or Fraser decided to further their agenda (let the reader understandeth.) But then - great burning Scarfie sofas - it appears one has. Peter, take a bow. Pull on a jumper and an extra pair of socks then click across to check it out.

First impressions? Nice job.

Two Witnesses have date with IRS

Great news scoop from Mike over at Don't Drink the Flavor Aid. At last Ron gets some much deserved attention... Couldn't happen to a nicer chap!

CGI - rattling on...

It's somehow comforting to know that, deep in the heart of East Texas, the Church of God International is still plugging away long after founder Garner Ted Armstrong was booted out following a naked romp with a local masseuse.

Now a new initiative is getting the de-Armstronged CGI gospel out via YouTube. Here's a sample from the very personable Bill Watson.



Searching for the CGI offerings on YouTube is a daunting task however. Try typing in "Armour of God" (British spelling) and you get Jackie Chan movie clips. Try typing in "Church of God International" and you get the unrelated Filipino sect MCGI. Holy Identity Crisis, Batman!

CGI made its debut in 1978 with Garner Ted and Ron Dart at the helm and has spawned an impressive number of splinter groups in its own right. It's not quite as dead as the dinosaurs in Bill's video, but it's also doubtful a few YouTube flicks will do much to haul it off the endangered list either.

By what authority?

After watching the coronation of the king of Tonga, I've decided there is a branch of Christianity more deviant than Armstrongism, ancient or modern.

I'm a PC kind of guy, culturally sensitive to the reality of living in a multi-ethnic world where people of diverse backgrounds rub shoulders. But the bastardized display of European religion and Pacific heritage on display in Nuku'alofa was simply nauseating.

Sitting on a golden throne gifted by the People's Republic of China (!), the monarch received the rites of ascension from the Anglican archbishop of Polynesia, a middle aged man in drag.

According to Paul Johnson there are two ways Christendom sets forth to evangelize:

One is to evangelize the lowest and least privileged elements, capture their allegiance in huge numbers, and so work upward from the base... The second is to aim at the elite, or even at the individuals at the head of the elite, obtain recognition or adoption of the faith as a matter of state policy, and then work downwards, by authority, example or force (or all three).
Johnson, A History of Christianity, 410

Kings are crowned by men in dresses because their royal authority is thought to come from the fossilized Sky Father in Heaven. Resist Lord Muck and you're fighting God. Citizens therefore need to know their place and keep to it. The people of Tonga had to riot in the streets last year to make their call for democracy heard.

These days most of us have no illusions about the divine rights of Europe's chinless aristocracy. Kings, along with presidents and prime ministers, serve at the will of the people; which is why lobbiests invest in PR firms rather than prayers.

Whether Mitre-Man Jabez Bryce was conflicted by the anachronism isn't known, but the archbishop trotted out the full paraphernalia in a cringing rip-off of European privilege: antiquated language, silly hat, oil of anointing. The choir even sang Zadok the Priest.

The fisherfolk who accompanied Jesus would have laughed themselves silly.

The good news is that just hours before the festivities, George Tupou V (known to his buddies as G5) announced his intention to bring democratic reform to his tiny nation. By so doing he may have avoided the indignity bestowed not long ago on his Nepalese counterpart.

Armstrongism or Anglicanism? Hmm, tough choice.

The Herbal Zone

The Most Eminent Rev. KScribe has produced a special 20 minute "Birthday Bash" video to mark (in the non-disfellowship sense) the sacred date of July 31.

The way KScribe describes it though, it sounds as though this might be his final audio-visual treat. He writes: I think this will be the last video. I find that it is just too time consuming as a project anymore. Hopefully the folks that have belonged to or who are still in the cults will find it useful in the healing process.

And treat it is with a clip from an ancient episode ("Nick of Time") from The Twilight Zone featuring a young, pre-USS Enterprise William Shatner.

Zen and the Art of Armstrongism

The latest Journal, dated May 31, is out. The flavor of the month is sweet and sour, a mouth puckering contrast between Dennis Diehl and Alan Knight, Dave Havir and Norman Edwards.

My favorite headline: "Jerry Falwell believed Jesus was crucified Wednesday evening."

That's meant to add credibility to the Wednesday crucifixion theory?

New Zealanders of my generation remember Falwell best for his appearance in an Oxford Union debate on the nuclear issue opposite former Prime Minister David Lange.

My German forebears arrived here on the same sailing ship as Lange's, so despite his family's subsequent apostasy to that peculiar Anglo sect known as Methodism, I was rooting for him all the way. Best one-liner of the night was Lange to one of Falwell's supporters: "I can smell the uranium on your breath!"

Somebody called Cam Rea has written a book on what he thinks happened to the Ten Lost Tribes, and it gets a positive front page review from Mac Overton. Rea's qualifications are not mentioned, which I suspect means he has none. Another BI bloke and ex-WCGer, Harold Hemenway, has likewise spilled ink on the subject recently.

I'm more curious about this Knight character. He has provided a muddled article about WCG's "backslide in Protestantism" - despite being a COG7 member. I guess he's tired of poking the borax at his own church and being ignored, so decided to join the fray amongst the stroppier COG cousins.

I'm not sure what to make of the report that "The new online Living University sponsored by the Living Church of God, the latter founded by Roderick C. Meredith in 1998, kicks off this fall", given that LU has already held its first graduation ceremony. Hopefully the reference to "kicks off" is a tactful but predictive synonym for "kicks the bucket." One can only live in hope.

Remember the ongoing kerfuffle at Port Austin? PABC is and isn't holding a FOT this year. Confused? The solution to the conundrum is in the Notes and Quotes section which you can read online (see below.)

Most fascinating is the revelation that a connection exists between WCG and Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. Just when you think you can't be surprised any more!

A special AW award to William Dankenbring for the chutzpah behind this tortured headline in the Connections ad section: Celebrate with us! The 21st Anniversary of God's Activation ...of Triumph Prophetic Ministries as the replacement, "obedient" CHURCH OF GOD, Replacing the WCG as God's True Work on January 17, 1987 - one year exactly from the date Herbert W. Armstrong died!

Is this the same Herbert W. Armstrong who banned Willie's books from Feast sites?

The Journal website is www.thejournal.org, and you can preview the issue (front and back pages - which includes the PABC item in Notes and Quotes) here.

Das Wiener Haus

The photographs below recently appeared on Don't Drink the Flavor Aid. According to the blog they show the humble domicile of God's chosen End-Time twosome, the dynamic duo of Ronald and Laura Weinland, the Two Witnesses.

Nice, very nice if you're into Cincinnati chic. Not much indication of sackcloth, ashes and dung heaps here! And don't be fooled by the street frontage, take a gawp around the back.

Which just goes to demonstrate - as if it needed demonstrating once again - that tithing pays. At least it pays if you are the fortunate one collecting the Lord's moolah.

What I don't understand is just how you pick up an official accreditation for this kind of thing. Where do you collect an application form? Does Ron have a framed certificate on his wall, personally signed by Jesus Christ, authorizing him to function as His official tithe collector? Or was he commissioned by a visiting angel - the one in charge of Heavenly Throne Financial Services (HTFS)? What percentage of the Eternal's ten percent does Ron get to keep? How much does a franchise cost?

And while few of us would deny Ron and Laura a modest bungalow in the burbs, just how does God (or Ron, if there's a difference) decide that Ron should enjoy this more elevated standard of living? Does Ron have an annual performance appraisal from HTFS? Does Christ sign off on Ron's raises? Will Ron get a divine bonus this year despite seriously screwing up his prophecy about 2008? Does God issue guidelines for this kind of thing... some sort of heavenly code of ethics for His earth-bound tithe collectors?

However you look at it, being God's top punk-wallah seems to have its perks.

But a nagging question remains. How many of the Weinland tithe-force, the decent but naive garden variety folks who bankroll the Great Man and his wife, hanging from his every faux pas, enjoy anything close to a similar lifestyle?

Bye bye BI (II) - Hose(a)d Off

A further excerpt from Presiding Evangelist Rod Meredith's current editorial.

Many biblical prophecies predict what is starting to happen to the U.S. and British-descended peoples. The entire book of Hosea, in fact, is a dual prophecy - describing what was going to happen to those nations in ancient times, and what is about to happen to them today, during the prophesied "time of the end."

Say what?

The entire book of Hosea?

Says who?

I'm currently suffering through a 200-level paper on Old Testament Prophets. The content is fascinating despite a truckload of reading. The focus is on the so-called "minor prophets", including Hosea, so I've been hitting the books and cruising the commentaries. Here's the thing, none of them mention this supposedly self-evident "fact."

Frankly, I don't think Meredith has a clue about the prophets. I can almost guarantee that he's never got off his fat half-acre and familiarized himself with scholarship on this section of the Hebrew Bible.

Which is fine, most people are too busy living their lives to fuss about such obscure things... unless of course they set themselves up as experts on the subject.

People like Meredith, Flurry, Pack...

Here's my challenge to Meredith, or any other BI defenders: find one genuine scholar in the last fifty years who finds the "fact" of "dual prophecy" present in Hosea. Cite one recognized academic publication that gives credence to this position.

But it's worse than that. Qualified commentators (those who've done the hard yards Meredith hasn't) not only fail to mention this curious "fact", but instead find a whole level of meaning in these ancient texts that have nothing to do with BI. I'm willing to bet Meredith and his myrmidons are totally ignorant of that: a whole, gaping "missing dimension" to their understanding of the prophets.

Am I saying Meredith hasn't got a clue? Absolutely!

BI doesn't self-destruct solely on scientific grounds such as DNA research (although you'd think that'd give the densest champion of British-Israelism pause for thought), but also because it turns much of the Bible into a caricature of itself.

More on this later.

Bye bye BI

Good wines are said to mature with age. Age in homo sapiens, the adage goes, brings wisdom.

Well, that ain't necessarily so.

Take Roderick C. Meredith for example. Here's a clip from his July-August "personal" in Tomorrow's World."

Many thousands of you know that the British-descended and American peoples are, in fact, the end-time remnant of the ancient "House of Israel" which was conquered by Assyria more than two millennia ago, then was taken into national captivity before it supposedly "disappeared."

Many scholars describe those "disappeared" nations as the "Ten Lost Tribes of Israel." But, although most historians lost sight of them, they did not disappear! Today, the descendants of those nations can be identified clearly as the peoples of northwestern Europe, Britain and the former Commonwealth nations, and the United States.

Baloney.

First, Spanky can't even get the facts straight about the Commonwealth. Big news Rod, it's still in existence. Not that Rod really means Commonwealth countries - which would include a whole bunch of nasty non-Anglo nations. No, Rod means the nice "white" commonwealth. Rod doesn't seem aware that these countries - such as Canada, Australia, New Zealand - are anything but "former Commonwealth nations." Pretty appalling geopolitical ignorance.

But Rod blunders on regardless: these suitably esteemed Anglo nations, along with Old Blighty and melting-pot USA (!) "can be identified clearly" as the "Ten Lost Tribes."

Poppycock.

British-Israel theory was cooked up by a gaggle of dotty Poms in the days of jingoism and Empire, and even then nobody much took it seriously. In these days of ethnographic studies and DNA research poor old Rod is left as high and dry as a Flat Earther.

BI provides a biblical veneer to justify the cultural arrogance, economic exploitation and blatant racism of a past age. You can't get there by any possible method of biblical exegesis: only by a disregard and contempt for both history and scripture - 100% pure eisegesis.

But Rod has spent a long and privileged life learning nothing. The grammophone needle is stuck somewhere between "our English speaking peoples" and "three to five years."

Which is, when you really think about it, pretty pathetic.

Soliciting with Rob and Wally

One of the few redeeming features of the WCG was its policy of never sending unsolicited literature. If you were exposed to The Plain Truth or one of the scores of booklets it was always because you asked for it.

The various splinter groups invariably hew to this policy: UCG, LCG, PCG, CGI, ICG, COG-AIC, CBCG etc. We should be thankful for small mercies

So imagine my surprise when I received an unsolicited packet from the local franchisee of the Robert Ardis cult (Church of God's Faithful), Wally Lawton.

It's not that I know Wally: I don't, except by reputation. Wally was formerly a heavyweight with the NZ branch of PCG before leaving some months back. He has since become "Regional Director" for Ardis, who previously split from PCG.

A couple of "inquiring minds" questions...

First: where did the mailing list come from Wally? A lot of folk have been contacted in this way. Where did the addresses come from?

Second: why is Wally sending out unwanted mail to people who've expressed zero interest in his church, especially as this clearly violates the precedent set by Ardis' idol, Herbert Armstrong?

I don't know much about the Ardis group, but what little I do know is more than enough.

The first time I ignored it, but today there was more in the mail: a glossy postcard hawking the Ardis booklet on healing. One can only imagine the quality of counsel it provides.

How many more went out to unwilling recipients?

Wally, stop it!